Entry 388: Ice Cream

I’ve loved you since the first day we met

Two kids, living in a world so dark

Yet so blind to it

Two kids

…Without regret…

Do you remember the day?

Our first time we sat together at school

No idea of our future together

We first met over Ice Cream

I fell in love right then

I know it seems an impossibility

For a mere kid

Unaware of what love is

To feel a burning in their heart

One without end

A pure love

One I feel as we share this Ice Cream now

30 years past our 5-year-old selves.

I remember the snow

The December we shared our feelings first

We were only 12

However…

…You shared your feelings…

Something I’d silently felt

A day I’d waited for what felt like an eternity for

We were having Ice Cream that day as well

You kissed me over Christmas break

Our two families spending together

That beautifully snowy Christmas Night

We tried to play off dessert normally that time

Our families knew though,

As it turned out

They saw us on the porch,

They said nothing till our wedding day though

It was a beautiful one.

A lavish Winter wedding

We shared our vows

We promised to be there for one another

Much like we are now

We did as we always had as kids

Our special moments

Reflected as we ate our favorite dessert

Ice Cream marking another wonderful moment

Much like our first

You are the man I never deserved

My gallant knight who’s always worked

Providing for me in every way

After we had our little boy

We had Ice Cream to celebrate

The snow was beautiful that night

Much like it is now

I’m sorry that you must learn this way

Thank you for having Ice Cream with me on this day

I know you were confused why I sent away our son at first

You have no idea what tonight means to me

A celebration of us

I didn’t want our son to see what must be done next

I wanted us to share our memories

Those days without regret

I wanted him to retain that purity

Our greatest gift

I’m going to have to ask you

To protect him

I know as you’re reading this now

As we sit here, looking at the snow

You are probably wondering why it is I now cry

Well…

…The truth is…

I have it…

I’m infected, my love

I don’t wish for you to dwell on this

It’s the reason this one time

I insisted we use separate bowls

It’s been years since that happened, right?

You & oddly this dessert has been there for our best times

Nothing fancy

That’s never been our way.

No,

A simple vanilla ice cream

The same as the first time we shared the dish

I wish we could treat tonight like that first time

Back when we were kids,

Two kids,

No regrets,

Just sharing our favorite dish…

…Vanilla Ice Cream…

I ask of you

Though now I’m likely crying

Don’t remember this night in a negative way

Think of it as one final time

Sharing our lovely memories once again

No regrets…

No worry about what comes next.

I know what happens after this,

Isn’t going to be a happy event

However,

When you have to do it,

Please make it quick.

A bullet to the head,

A proper burial,

That’s all I can ask my dearest friend.

I’ve known since the first day we met

You are my one true love,

My best friend.

I’m sorry things had to end like this…

…I’m sorry that I got myself bit…

It was funny you know?

I was shopping,

Just another day,

No worries, no regrets.

You had our son at home,

Waiting for me as you always did…

We didn’t even know there was an infection.

Blissfully ignorant that when I got bit,

It was the beginning of the end.

The saddest thing might be,

What has probably happened to the family of the kid

…Who infected me…

It was his bite that would be my end

…Though now, I imagine his family is suffering…

From this disease with no known source…

A few weeks after I was bit,

I began to get sick…

Nothing I wanted to bother you & our son with…

The news reports began to come out

About the others infected with the unknown virus

I’m sorry I played it off at the time…

That I never told you I’d been bit…

I’m sorry you had to find out now,

Mere moments before the inevitable…

I love you my sweet

My dearest friend

If you could,

Please remember our time together

It is something I’ll always be happy for

…Raise our son right…

Tell him his mother had a happy life

That he is our most precious gift

…Keep him safe…

I love you my dearest friend

…Please…

…Never forget that…

……………………………………………..

…………………………………………..

……………………………………….

………………………………….

…………………………

………..

…..

….

…

*A letter read, a dessert shared once again, the snow falls as they look into one another’s eyes one final time*

BANG!

-Ice Cream-

Entry 359: To Endure For Her Serenity

I saw her,

In the cold eerie rain

Holding the dead bodies

Of the children we made…

I touched her as close to Death I lay

I knew her, in a time & place of my own making

I died a thousand times to be there for her

Trapped in time infinitely…

For you do the craziest things for love

No matter what the means

Crying her name out

As the demons claw upon my sanity

I fought for her

As the hell hounds came

I gave my soul on a platter

I burned in Hell time & again

Just to console her

I took the punishment

Her crimes, my skin…

I gave myself

…To protect her…

The taste of Death

Lay on her sweet lips

The twisted madness

Claws inside of me

I just want to keep her safe

It is not her fault

The sacrificial pain

I live

…Eternally…

You may say,

It is all for naught…

That I’m a fool

Who deserves the suffering I’ve wrought…

Perhaps that’s the truth?

Perhaps that’s who I’ve become?

But,

In the shadows of torment

The endless hells of life

Her beautiful whispers

Set an inferno upon the ice in my veins

My blood burning from her song

My soul accepting its pain

She is my life

She is my wife

She is my EVERYTHING!

She did not kill our children

In anger & hate

She did so in sorrow

To protect us from what they had became…

She is the reason the demons now prey

Branding my skin with their eternal tormenting!

Each & every night

A new torture in place

I’ll do so forever

I’ll burn in flames…

Nothing could compare

To the feelings I have

Every time I get a glimpse of her

Just before the next Death arrives…

She is why I’ve accepted the infinite sorrow

Upon my soul

The only way to keep safe

Her & the children we had before…

I will fight for her

…Forever more…

It was her sins that wrought upon me my punishment

A deal made, long before our relationship

However,

Be that as it may

It was my choice…

-To Endure For Her Serenity-

Entry 351: Alone In My Agony

Here I sit

Watching the stream

A never ending flow of souls

Staring back at me…

Here I sit,

Praying I’ll see you

The specter of Death

Watching me closely…

Here I sit,

Knowing if I find you,

It will mean death

For Death,

Could never let me live

Were I to dive in

To save you…

So it is,

I stare upon the souls of the dead

Listening as they create

A song from their end

Hoping soon

I’ll see you again…

Here I sit,

Believing I see your face

So I dive right in,

Accepting my fate…

The stream ever flowing,

Time no longer something that makes sense

I reach your soul

To find myself

Shot back out again…

Here I sit,

Lost & confused

On the banks of the stream

Eternally watching you…

My soul bound to the edge

Held in a limbo with no end

A punishment from Death

I am no longer living or dead

Trapped on the shores

Destined to feel the pain of my loss

Eternally…

For it was I,

Who cost you your life

It was I who drove drunk

…That night…

I survived,

Each night, brought to the stream

Each night, staring

…Endlessly…

Begging I’d find you!

Perhaps things could change?!

Now locked just out of your reach

…Forevermore…

-Alone In My Agony-

Entry 311: L.O.V.E.

What is love?

Is it kindness?

Is it forgiveness?

Is it unadulterated compassion for our fellow man or woman?

Love is not what we see in the media

Love is not what we see on tv

Love is special…

It is compassion…

It is something pure

Something sweet…

Has life shown you love?

Has the world shown you love?

…

Has it shown you hate?

I’m here to tell you

Hate is fear

Hate is misunderstanding

Those who have hate in their hearts

Have not been shown proper love

We all want love

We all want to be loved

Is it so hard to love one another?

Is it so hard not to care about the pigmentation of ones skin?

Their preferences in who they fall in love with?

Love should be easier than hate

Yet…

The world shows more hate

The world shows this hate my friends

My family…

They show this hate because

…They have not been given love…

Blessed are those who see love

Who know love

Who see love even in those who have hate for them.

It is through love that we can end hate…

I know what you may be thinking

You may be thinking what is this hippie talk?

You with hate still in your hearts

You who doubt our love

It is you who have that cynicism

Festering like a sickness within you…

Tonight I’m here to tell you

It is easy my friends.

It is truly easy to love one another…

It is truly easy to let go of hate.

If one is to give up hate

It is then

That soul will see love for what it is…

It is then they will see the forgiveness given

It is THEN…

…They will feel the weight that has burdened them for so long…

Fall off.

*Congregation nods*

Brothers & Sisters

These souls have not been given love

They have only been treated wrong

Much like you all…

Their hearts are hardened by the sickness

The disease of hate…

They know not the error of their ways

Like the world

They see us as a threat

Because Hate has them twisted…

*Turns towards the monitor*

Look deep within your mind

You can see us, right?

You can envision us…

Witness what is happening here now

As you read my words

Know there is love in our hearts

That you can show the same love in your reality

The kindness and compassion

That you & your fellow man & woman deserve

Love isn’t hard

It is quite easy…

Witness what happens when hate corrupts

See the sad end it brings…

*Muffled screams*

Understand as you witness what sin has wrought for these souls

Understand that they were given love

They were given every chance to have love

To hold it

…To know it…

*Congregation nods*

Understand that as I speak to my brothers & sisters

That I speak to you

My name is Samantha

What is yours?

…

It is very nice to meet you

Witness now

The pain hate brings

*Honey poured upon 3 men & one woman*

Witness now the sadness in our hearts

As we send the sinners to the dark Hell they’ve wrought

Know now…

…This is their fault…

*Congregation repeats This Is Their Fault in unison*

Rest easy dear friends

I ask only that we all know love

That we all let go of hate

That we kill

…Only when God tells us it is necessary…

*Ants poured upon the body of the sinners*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Know now, as you witness what sin brings

That we hurt & feel the pain of the sinners!

THAT WE WISHED FOR THEM TO KNOW ONLY LOVE!

Sadly, my children

…If you have only hate…

…You know only hate…

Hate is all you become…

If you refuse love

…Death is what comes…

…Let us pray…

-L.O.V.E.-

Entry 296: A Love That Destroyed A World

There is a boy lost in a place

Somewhere between time & space

Wandering the halls of a house

Never knowing if or when he will get out…

Why would he wind up in such a space?

A place haunted by so many things

The boy committed a sin long ago

One that cost his entire world

Now he is confined to a house

Far away from anything else

Forced to walk by candlelight

Every day

And…

Every night.

What did he do to deserve such a fate?

He protected a girl

Still vulnerable

From being burned at the stake!

A witch hunt had ensued

She wasn’t a witch sure…

The boy however, eventually found

The girl he loved

Was a Goddess of Hell!

Still he protected her

Even as she killed

Perhaps the townsfolk deserved it?

Still,

Such was not his decision to make

He knew if he protected her

He’d suffer a dark fate!

However,

Not all is wrong with this tale

For you see

He should be devoured

Endlessly!

That being said, the girl

Seeing how he protected her

Gave him a candle

The candle a light which will never burn out

Blessed by a dark magic

It prevents him from being killed

Or…

Tormented by the denizens of the house.

Now he walks through the ever changing madness within

Looking for an exit

Thinking of the one,

Hoping to see her again

His one true love

A Goddess of Hell…

Someone he’ll love, always!

You see the boy saw a kindness in her

No one else could

Whether he was right or not

Is up for debate still.

The world destoryed

Was a world of perversion

Still, not all the people there

Served this judgement,

Were in fact deserving.

For all the cruel innocents burned by the townsfolk

They did so hoping to prevent the inevitable.

They knew of the Witch’s

The world destroyer, they knew not

Unfortunately, the death of an entire world

Lay on the shoulders of a 9 year old kid

Having fallen in love…

-A Love That Destroyed A World-

Entry 261: The Ocean Of Souls: Isla’s Light

I see its light

Far off & away

I seek its light

Praying my pain away

I just want my dear wife

I wish to see my sweet child

The light is brighter as I continue on my way

It revolves

That’s what light houses do

My love & my baby

I’m coming for you

It won’t be long now

I assure you of that

Soon enough

We’ll be together again

The beam of light hits my ship again

I can faintly hear the echoes & cheers coming

Yes,

That beautiful sound

Won’t be long till we make it to the harbor

I’ll see them again

The agony of my long trip

My aching love for them

No longer a pain

In my old soul

I’ll spend my beautiful time with them

I’ve got the ultimate haul

I can finally retire

Never again will I ever have to leave

My hearts desires

Yes, we made the best haul anyone will ever see

We found it

A treasure deep within these black waters

The light is getting closer now

I can feel the tears welling within my eyes

I’ll be there soon you two

…I promise…

______________________________________

Oh sweet Father

I write this letter to you now

I’ve spent the last 19 years

Visiting the harbor

I always look for your ship

Sometimes at night

I swear I see it in the distance…

Mother died of heart break

5 years ago

Hopefully you are with her now

I still hold out hope

You could be out there for sure

I love you Father

I’ll keep praying for you now

______________________________

The light house

Shrouded in fog

It’s getting brighter

As is my hope!

WE ARE SO CLOSE NOW!

WE’LL BE TOGETHER SOON!

ALMOST THERE!

I LOVE YOU!

_____________________________

Dearest Father

The other night I sat in the lighthouse

The keeper let me

We watched the waters together

We prayed a prayer for the lost

I silently prayed a prayer for you

I wish I could see you again…

I know it isn’t likely

I’ll always hold out hope

Still, it’s been 20 years now

Since your disappearance

I won’t lie

Part of me knows the cold truth

You’re another lost captain

Out in those waters

Still, another part of me says

You might be okay…

That part is like the light house

Shining the light of my heart

Like a beacon of hope

I’ve learned so much

I’ve come so far

In the end

I know you’d be proud

Of the woman I’m becoming

Of who I am now

_______________________________________________

I can see the coast now

My dear sweet wife & daughter

The strangest thing is happening though

I hear cheers

Yet, I can’t quite see anyone there

Perhaps it’s the fog

Or maybe just exhaustion

I’m sure you’re there

I mean, I hear the rest of the town

The light has guided us

It won’t be long now

_________________________________________

Dearest Father,

I’m writing to let you know

I’ve met a man

A truly sweet soul

It’s been 30 years since you’ve been missing

We’re going to get married

Hopefully someday have kids

You’d be proud of him

He’s a sea captain

Just like you

I miss him

When he has to go

I pray now for his soul also,

Still, when he comes into harbor

There’s no greater feeling

Kind of like when you would return

…Father…

____________________________________________

My wife & Daughter

I’m beginning to grow scared

The light house

…Its light…

It is fading

It did this once before

I can’t quite say how long ago

It seems now though

The final light within

It’s

…Beginning to flicker…

We aren’t quite in harbor

It’s getting hard to see

I’m hoping we won’t crash

I certainly don’t wish to become a victim

Of these seas

The cheers are growing fainter

I’m not entirely sure how

I’ve got to get outside my own head

I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon now

____________________________________________

Dearest Father,

We still await at harbor

I just want you to know you aren’t forgotten

Still,

I’ve accepted it now

You are one with the sea you loved so much

I miss you here

The town has turned you into a sea faring legend of sorts

Your memory will live on

…Forever…

The mystery of your disappearance

Is something that will never be solved

You & your crew

Simply vanishing

Still, I wish to write you anyways

I want to let you know

I’m finally ready to let go

The pain in my heart

I need to move on

So I’ve chosen to do just that

This will be my final letter to you Father

I write it as I wait with your grand daughter 

At the harbor

We wait for my husband

We can see him coming closer

I just want you to know

You’re never forgotten

Love,

Isla

__________________________________________________

My wife & daughter

I don’t understand!

I wish I knew how to explain

The light house light

It died off

We can’t see anything now!

There’s a faint red that lights up on the horizon

A low, disturbingly loud growling rings out!

We turned on our searchlight

Trying to see ahead

The strangest thing happened

We only see black waters!

It’s the sea again

No sign of a light house or shore

We did however

Happen upon a chest

I think we’ll open it

I’m looking at it now

It appears to be a box of letters

Opening the first one

The hand writing

…It’s quite familiar…

Dearest Father

It was with those words

Realization set in

……………………………….

I wonder

…Can you feel your Father’s soul…

…Shattering?…

-The Ocean Of Souls: Isla’s Light-

Entry 247: Your Dearest Maggie

I hear you

Through the foggy snow

I feel your warmth

In spite of the biting cold

It feels as though it was yesterday

Since you disappeared

In truth it’s been about 20 years

I’m alone out here

Always searching for you

Always praying I’ll wake up

You’ll be by my side

Hoping, tonight is the night, I find you

I have the same dream

Night after night

I’m searching in this cold place

You are there

I can feel it!

I’m sure, I heard your voice

I’ve taken to taping records of my dreams

Upon waking

I’ve begun to notice

I’m making progress

In some way…

You’re missing from my life

All the dreams appear the same

Still, each night,

I awake,

Suspecting not all is the same

I hear you cry Maggie

I hear you calling my name

I couldn’t see you initially

Though, little by little

I feel I’m getting closer

I’m sure of it

So, as I sit here

In a dream like trance

I’m quite sure I’ve found you now

At least I will for sure

So, I’m leaving a letter with my thoughts

Should someone be reading this

I’m no doubt gone

In the last dream

I saw a place

A black house

Far away

I’d never seen it anytime prior

Then I saw you John

I saw you standing there

In the window

Staring at me

I can’t make out what you’re shouting

Why you are pointing my way

I looked behind me

I saw nothing

So I’ve come closer still

Tonight,

I imagine I’ll enter this place

The spot for which you’ve surely vanished

It’s funny

I can’t help but feel

You haven’t aged a bit

In 20 years…

I’m sure we will be together soon

I love you…

-Your Dearest Maggie-