Entry 414: My Darkest Sin

They don’t understand me

They don’t know true pain

They’ve never truly had to suffer

At least not in this way

Night after night…

…The NEED increasing…

The ABSOLUTE OBSESSION that comes from my condition


I know true pain

In trade however

When I give into my LUST


I feel a bliss no soul can come close to experiencing

I taste it simply speaking of it

I am sent back to every victim

Every soul I tasted of

My lips tremble at the thought

It was hard in the beginning

I refused my bliss


I fought against my very existence


Because I didn’t know true happiness

I’d never given into it

I’d been afraid when I realized what I’d become

I’d been left with nothing

Left to my own way

I always felt eyes upon me

I felt her watching

Still, I was never greeted…initially…

No, I was watched from shadow

I fought the cravings at first

I HUNGERED & yet…I tried to resist…

That’s the thing though…

…Walking the streets of Black Winter…

…I felt them call to me…


Their very bodies begged for me

So it was

Late one night

I wandered the street

I wasn’t truly sure where it’d end

Deep down though, I knew I was about to commit a DARK SIN

I was a pastor once

A trusted member in another time

The woman changed that

I never saw her

She took me in the night though

When I awoke I found myself alone in this town

Welcome to Black Winter the sign said & yet there was no direction

No way out

I’ve tried

That’s not what’s important though

What’s important is the night I wandered

The night I first gave in

That night

After many nights of suffering

I wandered

Then I saw him

A boy probably no older than 10

He was covered in dirt

He asked me if I could help him find home

I told him I knew not where his home was

I asked if he knew

“Yes but, I’m scared to go alone” he said to me

Okay I told him

I would escort him home

I walked with the boy in those cold dark streets

Every step I felt myself growing hungrier

Every step I felt my CRAVING grow stronger

Every step the already AGONIZING SUFFERING…well…it grew

I turned toward the boy, watching as although scared he looked at me

A slight smile showing hesitant peace

I smiled back & we continued walking

I dropped pace ever so slightly & I heard her voice

“Give in…in the home…”

Her voice terrifed & also commanded me in a way

I yearned to do as she asked to an obsessive level

So it was I was led home

The childs home

A knock upon the door later and a woman appeared

The concern on her face showed she was his Mother

The robe she wore was


It was revealing

She welcomed her boy in but, she became transfixed upon my gaze

And I

I became transfixed upon her flesh

She told me to come in & I obliged

The door shut

The boy was sent upstairs

I could hear her heart, I could sense the blood becoming warmer under her flesh

Then everything went black

I came to in bed

Her bed

She begged for more of me

I realized we were naked

She & I had become one

I felt myself slipping

Then, in the corner I saw her

The most beautiful woman I’ve ever gazed upon in my life

It was her

I could sense it

She smiled

Evil permeating from her gorgeous body

“Give in”

Two words were all it took

The moment went form a beautifully romantic scene

To a bloodbath

In a flash my teeth sank into my victims throat

I ripped her jugular out & bathed in the beautiful spray of her blood

She didn’t even have the time to scream

I drank so much from her & I felt ALIVE!


A type you could not understand

I danced with her dead body

I drank some more

I covered myself in her blood


…In the doorway…


A terrified child!

He had every reason to be scarred for eternity


I heard her voice right outside of my right ear


“Mmm…finish this…”

I remember the boys eyes wide & petrified

A lamb that knew its slaughter was NIGH!!!!!!

I dropped the mothers body to the floor with a thud

My smile grew now as the boys eyes began to shed tears of horror

Still my smiled grew as I put a finger to my lips to quiet him

“Do not be fearful young one…you’ll be see your mother again soon”.

I grabbed the child

I was ready to rip his heart from his chest but she told me to make it slower

A part of me hesitated but, then that part died in the blissful memories of the mothers blood.

I therw the boy into a chair & I slowly sliced him

I did so with my finger nails

I heard her laugh

She was pleased at what I was doing & I wanted only to please her more


…I slowly ripped out his tongue and threw threw it on the floor

A gurgled noise the kind I’ve never heard rang out

I imagine he was trying to scream but it was hard to for him

I tasted his tears

Then I watched as she cut open his throat

She wasn’t in my head

I was sure of this now

She put a glass to his open wound and offered me the first sip

I’ve never looked back since

-My Darkest Sin-

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