Entry 374: The Craving

Sometimes…

I ponder the point of existence?

The reason for life?

Where we should go when we die?

I thought these were all answers I had figured out

Till the day

I was refused Death

The one

I awoke from

Enraptured by a craving for life

Everything that lived

Needed to provide

It was the only way

I would feel truly alive…

When it starts

You can not possibly hope

To attain control

No,

The thirst will consume you whole!

Soon,

You’ll kill anyone you can find

Not yet having the ability to turn them

Lost & confused by the pain

You only want their life…

You only want to taste that sweet nectar

That flows through their veins…

Yes,

You have no control in the beginning

No understanding of truth

Only the craving

The thirst to kill

To drain

It is impossible in strength

For at first

That thirst is endless in need

Like a babe sucking from the teat

Except,

You take it from the neck…

Well, that’s the eventual organ of preference

In the beginning,

You rip people in two!

YOU TASTE OF THEIR INSIDES!

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHERE OR WHEN!

YOU MUST FEED!

Be it from the dirt of the earth

The still beating heart of mortal man

Wherever you can get it

However,

You can get it…

You will FEED!

In time, your insanity

Your ravenous trance…

It will subside…

Bringing with it new understanding & confusion

The voice of your master will speak from within

You’ll find your way to them

They teach you

…For a while…

How to tune out the noise of the mortal souls

To avoid the sunlight for a time

With mastery however,

Even that can be overcome…

You learn to control your urges

To a degree

How to blend among those who believe themselves

Ruler of the earth we all see

You do not however,

Have the answer as to why?

Why eternal life?

Why endless existence?

Humanity calls us by Vampire in name…

We adopted that in time

Many of us, walking among them…

Only a few being turned

You are not given the answer as to why though…

No,

Only taught how to survive

In truth, no stake will kill us…

The sun burns but, it does not kill

It incapacitates till night

Unless…

You are a Master of the most ancient kind…

Fire will not kill us

It will however burn…

To thirst will torment us…

We must sate our desires

Near every night in the beginning

Lest we experience an unending pain

A pain like no other

One that only brings with it…

THE CRAVING!

Carnal pleasures though a way to woo the living…

Have no real meaning except the high of control

A chance to sate the thirst

We can feel but, we cannot procreate

We can only turn

…Sometimes simply feed…

…Or if we choose to…

…Kill…

So why?

What is the point of any of it?!

I will live longer than time

But,

Why are we placed here?

What is the purpose of life?

Death, if granted it?

What is the purpose of a soul that is turned into I…

Versus one who becomes a specter of the night?

There was a time

I tried to achieve death…

I did not find a way to claim it

Nor have any of my kind

To my knowledge…

There is no longer Death

For those like myself

There is only the insatiable desire!

The curse to live eternally!!!

Most of all though

There is that with no end

…The thing we call…

-The Craving-

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