Entry 192: Abuse Me Again

The sound of rain

It reminds me of you

The scars you’ve put on me

Remind of you too

It made me happy the day I fought back

You beat me

Spit on me

Made me lick your boots

It sucked…

No more than usual

Filming for your friends

Everything you did to me

They weren’t much better

All of them were pieces of shit

I tried to tell the police,

They did nothing

No one would believe me

You were too good at what you did

Probably helped

You were also a detective

Still, even with all the things you did

Even with what you did to me that night

I felt something,

Slightly different inside

I felt something snap

A smile appearing from my bloody lips

Internally, I was plotting

I pushed you

Night after night

Let you abuse me

For a while after that

Every time you busted my lip open

Or I felt a cut from your knife

I smiled inside

Eventually, I couldn’t hide the smile

It made you angrier

You had your way with me

I let you…

I laughed at the camera while you fucked me!

I smiled again when you beat me for it

I grew to enjoy the abuse and the pain

That didn’t change,

What I had planned for you and your friends

You invited them over,

I smiled

Wore something revealing for them

I’m nothing but a cheap whore you said

No one would ever care about me

I’d be nothing

There was no hope

No help for me


You didn’t know what I’d been doing

The beast whispering to me at night

The thing that lurked inside my mind

You pushed me to want suicide

Once upon a time


Funny thing,

I tried it…

I took your gun one night

Put it to my chin

Aiming for my brain

I pulled the trigger

Nothing happened…

A voice said my name

She was quite menacing in tone


I tried, again

Nothing worked

The gun never worked

I even pointed it at you and nothing

So, I put your gun back

Went to bed

Embrace the pain for a bit

That’s what her voice said

So I did…

It has been quite a while

5 years in fact

All that time, the shame and abuse

It fueled me

Maybe it was her

I’m unsure…

I do know though

Tonight, that changed

I went out back

Not entirely myself

The Chainsaw will be perfect for the deed

They’ll regret everything…

That’s what her voice said

So after a twirl

A smack on my ass

The final humiliation was to begin…

They were going to all have me

Film it

Watch it again and again…

They didn’t say that

I could hear her telling me that in my head

I laughed so happily as she did

That’s what they think they will do…

She said…

I said, give me a bit

I’m going to freshen up a little more

I walked away

They laughed

Stupid bitch! Shameful slut!

When we’re done with you…

You won’t walk!

All the laughs, the cheers with the things they said

I smiled…

Give me a minute

I went out back

My husband shouting at me

Telling me taking my time

Would increase my pain

I’d still make them sandwiches

Even if I couldn’t walk

I’m nothing more than a whore…

That’s what he thought anyways

I went to the shed

I knew the fuel was full

I came back in

Whistling my favorite song

My husband ran into the kitchen

I’d started up the engine

How lovely the blood was!

The look on his face was priceless

They heard him scream

All were in shock

I laughed away

Bathing myself in their blood

One by one

The saws teeth tearing into them


There was but one…

He pulled his gun

Click, click, click

It didn’t work

Of course not

She was there

Watching over me

I laughed as I tore into his flesh

He tried to run,

Then crawl…

Nothing happened but the sound of the chainsaw

His screams

The sight of his spine

As I tore open his back

Pulling it out and draping it over the coat rack

Such a beautiful sight

They were all dead

I turned looking at my bloody face

I was beautiful she said

Her voice

Something else entirely



It was then I realized

She was me



There was no one else

Just my own voice in my own head

Another me

Hidden within

I’ve always been here

I told myself

No one will ever…

-Abuse Me Again-