Entry 187: Mental War

Hello my friend

I speak in your mind

I’ll take you

Like I did your friend

I’ll take you

Like I’ll soon all those you love

Strap right in

It’s going to be a FUCKING BEAUTIFUL LIFE!

Did you hear her cries

Just before she died?

Do you hear them every night?

Oh boohoo

You could have been there for her

Instead she is mine

Her death a side effect

Another personality

I like to call her

Suicide!

Nightmares twisting your sanity

Everyone hates you anyways

I speak in truths

You say I lie

You try not to trust these thoughts in your mind

Yet here I am

Kissing you from within

Eventually driving you to insanity or suicide!

I’ll tear you apart…

Very slowly…

IT FEELS GOOD TO WATCH YOU MENTALLY DECAY!

FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU’RE MINE SOON ANYWAYS!

___________________

…………………

……………..

……

Night after night…you whisper to me

Time and time again, you prey upon my mind

I won’t let you take me or anyone else this time

You see, because that’s the thing

I FUCKING WATCHED TOO MANY DIE TO THIS!

So you think you are going to win

You had best think again

My mind won’t decay

It’s been through so much shit 

It is a special kind of fucked up anyways

I’ll have bad days

Things will get bleak

However,

I will never believe the lies you tell me

I’m not going to die

I’ll fight you to the end

Depression, you are a sick and twisted bitch

Too bad for you…

I’M MORE TWISTED!

I’m sick of the hate

The sadness for no reason

The isolation you make me feel

The way you try to lie

Turning those I love against me

Pushing me to lock myself away

WELL FUCKING GUESS WHAT?!

I’M NOT DYING THAT FUCKING WAY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You think you have seen twisted

Here’s the thing,

I’ve only just begun

The mind is my own weapon

Not yours…

I will take you, kill you in every way

You will come back

I will do it again

Because…

In the end…

I WILL FUCKING WRECK YOU!

I’ll happily tear you apart piece by piece

You couldn’t have my sanity

It was never there to begin with

You are mine to torment

Living inside my mind

You’ll soon be crawling

CLAWING

BEGGING TO LEAVE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Whispering*

I…won’t…let…you…

__________________

Big talk, but I know you and your mind

I’ll win this battle in due time

Remember all the death you’ve seen

Remember all the friends and family no longer here

REMEMBER THE DEEPEST SADNESS YOU FEEL

All…alone…

That pretty young thing

She’s no longer with us

Remember the noose

Remember how she hung

A lifeless body

Just there to see

Another failure

A waste of life

Go ahead and cry…

I can go deeper…

Is there something you’ve blocked out?

If there is,

I think you already suspect

Trust me, I will find it

I will use it to break you

Once and for all

You will be done

Your life forfeit

You won’t care to go on

I will numb your emotions

I will make you hated by your best friend

Your loved ones

ALL WILL BE MINE!

Piece by piece your soul will die

I will watch you cry

It will be such a wonderful time

Eventually all break,

Eventually…you will commit suicide!

That job, consider it gone

Your dreams, nothing

Your hopes, they are no more

Your life…

IT WILL BE MINE!

___________________

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I’LL TEAR YOU APART!

I KNOW HOW, BETTER THAN ANYONE!

Meticulously turning everything you use against me

Then flipping it on its head

With my own brand of insanity!

They don’t hate me

You are a lie

I WILL NEVER FUCKING COMMIT SUICIDE!

That’s the thing depression

You’ve taken one too many

I can’t end that way and you won’t…

TAKE ANYONE ELSE FROM ME!

__________________________

What’s that?/YOUR FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!!!!

Who’s there?/BEST START RUNNING!

No…/OH YES!

I’m sorry…/TOO LATE FOR THAT!

He-/YOU’RE DEAD!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Mentally destroying you!

Tearing you to pieces

I feel so alive!

Death by all manner and means!

You’re going to fucking run from me!

Oh, you think you will jump to someone else?

You’re trapped in your own fucking hell!

I’ll tear you apart with all sorts of things!

I’M FUCKING SICK OF YOU DEPRESSION!

While I have fun, RIPPING OUT YOUR GUTS!

TIME AND AGAIN! 

WE’RE GOING TO HAVE ALL KINDS OF FUN!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

When you try to tear someone else apart

I’ll be there, whispering to you

Reminding you of all the horrible things I’m going to do to you!

Chainsaws, torture, burning you alive

Inside my mind, I can do anything to you!

SO SHUT THE FUCK UP, TIME TO DIE!

Every time you come back to life

I’ll end you again

Day after day

All my life if need be

You won’t fucking win 

I’ll fight you 

ETERNALLY!

-The War Within My Mind-

 

PSA:

For the others, out there fighting

Never give up hope,

I hope you never feel, suicide is the option

Please, I ask all of you

Be an inspiration and fight this horrible mental disease

Don’t succumb to this highly underestimated mental hell

Never give in to the lies

KEEP FIGHTING!

SURVIVE!

EVERY FUCKING DAY YOU LIVE!

IS A DAY YOU PROVED DEPRESSION WRONG!

Stand together, help others who are fighting it

Don’t ever disregard, someone else’s pain

Be there for one another

Encourage each other

We all have our own ways to deal with a horror like this

However,

Sticking together, being in each others lives

Reminding one another of all the good in their life

Together stand strong

You are not alone

SO FUCKING RIP DEPRESSION TO PIECES!

STAND STRONG!

If you feel alone, know you are not

This is a powerful disease

It affects many every day

It is debilitating

It will tear you apart

But…

That is only if you let it

You are going to have days you feel like you can’t survive

You may even have months or years like this at a time

Just keep strong

Look at the good in your life

Every day you live, is a day you survived

Every day you live, is a sign

Depression isn’t who you are

It is a mental scar

It is a lowly parasite

You are much stronger than its lies

Get help

Do not let it win over you…

You are worth every breath you take

Your life is well worth living

Don’t waste it…

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