Entry 101: My Baby Cries

My baby cries when she can’t sleep

My baby cries when I pick up her toys

She never actually sleeps

All she does is weep

I tried calm her down

However nothing I did stymied that sound

I held her in my arms

I rocked her every day

Still, she never grew tired

Still, she never stopped weeping

I could never get to sleeping!

I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET HER TO GIVE ME SOME PEACE!

YET STILL SHE CONTINUES HER INCESSANT MOANING!

I HAVE GOTTEN NO SLEEP IN AT LEAST A WEEK!

WELL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY?!

I TRIED TO END YOUR FUCKING SUFFERING!

I took you to every doctor I know

I held you in my arms…

Your crying is a scar to my heart…

Please, it’s not my fault

I just needed an escape

That’s what the drugs did for me

How could I know that someone I considered a friend

Would come and take you from me?

How could I ever have guessed…

…They’d throw you 17 stories to your death…

I killed the sick fuck myself!

He can’t hurt you now…

I’ve failed as a mother

Why do you continue to make me suffer?

How is it you cry…when we both know you aren’t alive?

I-I KNOW HOW I’LL FUCKING SLEEP!

Y-YES! YOU CAN’T FUCKING KEEP ME UP!

You’ll see…

I’M SORRY MY BABY!

*BANG!* *Baby Cries*

What?!….WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-My Baby Cries-

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24 thoughts on “Entry 101: My Baby Cries

    • I like the honesty in your hesitation. It was actually pretty hard to write. It wasn’t the writing part that was hard, but the emotional impact it has on me as a father myself.

      I would lost it were anything to ever happen to my son…

      What was different about it in your opinion?

      I ask out of curiosity…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Before I answer you, please don’t find me cruel or morbid. It’s rare for me to see someone write about a baby dying, but it’s a refreshing change to me. Like, most horror writers and dark writers don’t go that extra mile, but I felt with this you did. Honestly, I enjoyed it. I think my initial reaction was just shock.

        I like things that are dark and messed up, hence why I like your work. Slient Hill is one of my favorite video games for that reason.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m a HUGE SILENT HILL FAN! It is very much my favorite horror game series as well! So I get the love for that series, and part of what I love about that series is how dark and twisted the horror within it is.

        Actually right now, I’m listening to a mixture of Silent Hill Soundtracks that I created on a playlist in my ITunes. I don’t find you morbid or messed up. It is understandable it was a shock to read. It was what was being said to me though.

        I’m not going to water down horror, simply because it is horror (short version for you) and it shouldn’t be censored or watered down. If you read or view horror it is because you know going in, it likely will get dark. Bad things will happen. It’s horror…

        That being said, I didn’t know coming in this was what I was going to write about. Like I said, I heard a woman’s voice in my head telling me everything as I type it, and that’s what she had to say…

        Mmm….I appreciate you elaborating though. I was genuinely curious what the hesitation and the initial comment was about. It is completely understandable why. This one was a tad draining to be honest.

        Thank you for your honesty.

        Oh yeah…heh, I have mentioned around in other comments here and there but yes, I have a son who is going to be 4 soon (doing an early Bday celebration for him Sunday even though his bday is a few weeks away yet) and he is my world! He and my wife really are the lights in my life. ^_^

        Like

      • You should never dumb down your writing 🙂 I hope I didn’t make you feel that way. In Clash of Tides, I go to some dark places myself 🙂 Ohhh Slient Hill music is so good!

        I wish more writers thought like you. I feel like some writers don’t want to push the edge.

        Liked by 1 person

      • SH music is some of the best around. I love all tracks but the ones with Mary Elizabeth McGlynn’s vocals are transcendent. She has a voice like no other. I was just listening to Acceptance by her from the Silent Hill Shattered Memories soundtrack.

        Room Of Angel from SH4 is a personal favorite also. I have my playlist on shuffle so it plays what it will.

        No worries, you didn’t make me feel at all Iike I should dumb down or water down my writing. There isn’t a soul out there that could make me feel that way. If someone feels that way it’s fine. They are entitled to their opinion. It will never change how I write though.

        Actually, if it seemed like anything at all you should know it was only that I am glad that is the last one I’m writing this week because it was very hard for me to write. Sometimes I write certain Entry’s and they are draining. Length isn’t really a factor, but the emotions behind them can be.

        Thank you!

        Do you have to a favorite SH game? Mine is 4 (I know a lot of people thought of it as the Meg of the series for a while) because I’ve always found it the most disturbing and it is the one that got to me the most. One of the few games that actually disturbed me and scared me.

        It’s still my favorite of the series today. Though I love pretty much all the SH games though some less than others.

        Cheers! ^_^

        Liked by 1 person

  1. A colicky baby can sometimes bring out the worst in all of us…You’ve taken it over the bubble into a whole new total F’ing nightmare though SDS! My god…to be a synapsing neuron inside that brain of yours… Where do these stories come from?? …were you a colicky baby???? lol. Another twisted, fantastic read. Thank you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was not a colicky baby (I’m sure my parents were very thankful) as it turns out. As far as where my ideas come from…well that would be telling wouldn’t it. 😉

      I’m kidding. It depends on the Entry…In this case (also in my insomniac state) it came from a soul. She cried her pain, I translated. They almost never stop…when one is done there is always another wanting to say something.

      I’ve addressed it in another Entry in some way. I believe you’ve read it.

      Regardless, thank you so much for taking the time to read and for sharing your thoughts with me.

      Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a heavy one. Especially as stay-at-home dad taking care of baby Thor. I’m lucky that he is a super chill baby, but there have been times where he was throwing an extended fit and I could feel my patience slipping. It’s a scary feeling. It’s especially scary because he is so tiny and frail.

    I think this post stirs up emotion in me also because I think about Thor dying. As horrible as that sounds, I think most parents do this. “If he falls and hits his head will he survive that?” “Is this blanket safe for him to sleep with? Will he smother?” “The pediatrician said he could eat this, but what if he has an extreme allergic reaction?”

    I think I may consider it more than some because I have seen more dead babies than most should. For that matter, I can safely say I have probably seen more death than any person I’ve ever met.

    The first major natural disaster I covered as a military journalist was the 2005 tsunami in Banda Aceh, Indonesia. More than 220,000 people died. When I arrived there were bodies, animals, houses, trash, sewage, and everything you can imagine ripped to pieces and melting together in the heat. There were also babies. I was 20 when that happened and it changed the way I viewed the world.

    A couple years later in 2007 a landslide completely decimated Guinsaugon village in the town of Saint Bernard (it’s a province in the Philippines). I attached with a group of Marines to document search and rescue efforts. We got the location but there was no village. It had been completely destroyed. The earth simply swallowed and crushed it all. The rescue effort turned into a recover effort and the Marines spent days pulling bits and pieces of people out of the mud and placing them on black tarps. Again, more dead babies.

    Fast forward to when I graduated the police academy and came back to my department. You had to do all of these things to qualify with the department before you could go on the road. One thing we had to do was sit in and listen at the call center. My second day sitting in, a woman called because she went to her babies room after he took a nap and he was unconscious and foaming at the mouth. She was absolutely hysterical. All of the dispatchers were weeping except for the one on the phone who was trying to get information from her as the ambulance was in route. By the time the ambulance got there, the baby was dead.

    The woman lived in my subdivision, one road over, and the death investigator said the house was pristine and perfect and ruled the death accidental. Pristine and perfect…I still remember him saying that and thinking, “How could that happen?”

    When you compile all of those experiences it’s hard for me to not be overly concerned about baby Thor’s welfare. Humans are fragile creations, and babies more so.

    Giant Corey rant! It feels good to share sometimes. Helps me fight off the ever present memory demons sometimes when I transcribe them into another medium. Great post, as always, they get me thinking and tap into a lot of emotion. If Black Winter really existed and needed a photographer, I’m sure it would suck me in when I die.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing that. I could only imagine witnessing some of the terrible things you’ve been witness to. I am glad you were able to rant/vent about it and share it with myself and anyone reading so they could understand things about the world they likely (and hopefully) never would.

      As far as parenting goes, I know that feeling for sure. I was a paranoid wreck when my wife and I had our son. I was worried about everything from SIDS to any coughing or simply his being. I would wake up seemingly every 10 seconds and search him (while he was sleeping) to be sure he was breathing, and everything was okay. He is almost 4 (officially) now. There is no greater feeling than being a father and he makes me proud every day as I see him grow, and he develops his personality.

      He is a lot like me in many ways (which is scary in some ways) and I absolutely love spending time with him. Some of my favorite time is when it’s just he and I when I return from work and it’s a day his mother works. I’ll always love when all 3 of us are together the most but, there is something special in spending time one on one with my son and I.

      Father/Son time is always awesome!

      Thank you for reading and for sharing your own experiences. This Entry was hard to write and drained me quite a bit. It needed to be written and shared though. As a father I relate to all your fears my friend.

      Cheers! ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s nice to know I’m not a COMPLETE paranoid wreck and that some of my thought processes are grounded in rationality. Thanks for writing content that causes me to do some introspective soul searching. I think there is power in writing of this manner. Dark yes, but you are addressing deeper emotional contexts. It’s courageous and I can see how it drained your creative batteries a bit.

        Liked by 1 person

      • No, you are most certainly not a paranoid wreck. It is natural to do all the things you’ve mentioned in regards to parenting. Being (I believe) this is your first kid, it is quite natural to want to hover over your son every waking second to check all manner of things! Namely obviously that he is alive and well.

        Just wait, when he starts running around proper, it only gets more exciting! ^_^

        Liked by 1 person

    • The morbid sense of humor I have definitely was given an internal giggle at that. I would imagine, poor kid. To the other thought. It would be impossible for me to dilute anything I write, regardless of what is written.

      You never have to worry about any form of diluting or censoring on this blog, I assure you. I probably should post a more thorough warning of some kind on the blog itself…

      I more than likely never will…but I should. 😉

      I mean could you imagine if some kid is like lalalalalala…Wordpress is so cool! What’s this?

      I think you can imagine where it goes from there…

      Cheers! ^_^

      Liked by 2 people

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